A New Creation – Again!


Wow, where do I even begin?

I thought I had left this blog behind in the dust. I thought I had walked away from it, never to come back. I figured nobody would miss it anyway.

For most of 2009, I was not living the Christ life. I became pregnant early on in the year and it consumed me – and my dedication to God with it. I was so worried that God would take my baby from me in order to teach me something through suffering that I refused to come to him with an attitude of trust. I walked my own way because I bought into the lie that God is not good.

My baby is now almost four months old. She is beautiful and perfectly healthy, and God loves her.

This year I have recommitted myself to living obediently to God. I started writing again and have two other blogs now, which I will link in the sidebar. And then yesterday I was invited to participate in a community blog for Christian women that is hosted here on wordpress.

At first I was worried – did I really have to come back into this account? I considered deleting all my entries so no one would know I was ever here before – a kind of fresh start, or more literally, a blank page. But when I logged in…

My word. Just because I’ve been gone and disobedient to God doesn’t mean all of the world has. This blog has had over 15,000 views. I had 50 comments waiting to be moderated. (For those of you who asked me questions in those comments, I am so sorry I did not respond! Please forgive me.) This blog was doing God’s eternal work even if I wasn’t.

God is so amazing! My heart was so full of praises for Him this morning. I was truly touched to find that I hadn’t been forgotten forever.

I will probably continue to post on this page, but the posts will be of a more personal nature. I have enough places to post devotionals and God-thoughts for the time being (and I welcome and encourage you to visit them). As for the future, who knows what will happen? I certainly didn’t expect this when I started this blog two years ago. Let’s see what another two years will bring.

“When I am weak, then I am strong.”


I haven’t written anything here in a while, but I don’t want you all to think I’ve fallen off the face of the earth or anything. It’s just that I am currently dealing with writing my final (final! as in never again until grad school final!) papers, studying for exams so I don’t mess up my chances of graduating Summa Cum Laude, coming to terms with the fact that my 91-year-old grandfather’s heart is a ticking time-bomb that could suffer a massive heart-attack at any minute, and counting down the last 23 days until I am married. I have spent a lot of time letting people minister to me recently, rejuvenating my own soul instead of really reaching out to others. The Bible studies I’ve been doing recently haven’t really struck me as anything I could make helpful to anyone but myself: I’m sure that many of you out there would benefit from studies on marriage as much as I can, but having no experience as of yet, I don’t really feel comfortable writing how-tos.

But here’s something I have had quite a bit of experience with lately: attempting to relax and let the Lord take over.

Those of you who know me may be laughing right now at the very thought of me “relaxing” and letting anybody take over. I am usually the most extreme micro-manager on earth; whether it comes to my own responsibilities or groups I’m involved in, I am far too paranoid to delegate responsibilities to anyone else. But in an attempt to avoid a mental breakdown from all the stress that could potentially result from my current situation(s), I have simply decided not to worry about it, only pray that God will take my life into His holy hands.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Phillipians 4:6)

I am sure we have all heard that verse too many times to count, and I don’t know about you, but it didn’t have quite the impact it should have on my life until quite recently. For the longest time, whenever I would worry about something and someone quoted that verse to me, I only worried more, this time not only about what had been previously bothering me, but about my own inability to trust in Christ. I’m confident that was not God’s intention when He gave out such divine instructions.

I am also confident that God knows better than we do what we are capable of.

It is only within the past few weeks, when more burdens than I have ever held have been handed to me, that I have been able to truly say, “Lord, I can’t. You can.” And maybe those words are supposed to be spoken in a different context; maybe I still haven’t truly given all my life up to the Lord’s work, but I have certainly been able to stop worrying about the most distracting earthly things (the wedding, my final exams, my grandfather’s sickness) because I know that if they are important, God will take care of them.

I do not think it’s a coincidence that when I actually have things in my life worth worrying about, I can entrust those things to God.

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

God’s power is made perfect in weakness!

The answer to why I haven’t been able to trust God with my worries until this point is that they were not worries that weakened me to my core; they were issues I believed I could handle on my own. Now, when I am truly weak and I know for a fact there is no way I can make it through each day without the Lord carrying me accross the sand, He has granted me the grace to trust in Him. In fact, He has withdrawn all other options from my life.

And now I can only praise God for allowing me to suffer afflictions frightening enough that I am forced to stand back and watch as the Lord handles them, and pours out blessings.

I know this is not quite a message of ministry or an organized devotional or study, but I hope that it inspires you. The Lord is good, and all-powerful, and there is no affliction on Earth that He cannot handle. And when there is a time in your life when you feel you can’t go on alone, you will not have to. If you are realistic enough to realize that you cannot, you will not even try. Remember that “the Lord will provide.” (Genesis 22:8)